LOTR Meets The Knights of the Round Table!
by SIHansonWeasleyGamgee
Summary: Ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Remember the song the knights sang at Camelot? Wonder what it would be like if the Fellowship sang that song? Then click here! UPDATED with new songs!
1. Default Chapter

LOTR Meets The Knights of the Round Table!  
  
by SIWeasleyGamgee  
  
This is my first ever posting on ff.net, so please be nice! This is a parody of the "Camelot" song from the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" featuring the great Fellowship! There's 2 versions of it. You can pick the one you like best in your reviews! (Speaking of which, PLEASE review!)  
  
NINE OF THE FELLOWSHIP  
  
ELROND: Look! The Fellowship!  
ELF #1: The Fellowship!  
  
ELF #2: The Fellowship!  
ELF #3: It's only their scale doubles.  
  
ELROND: Ssh! Elves, I bid you welcome to your new quest. Let us join...the Fellowship!  
  
(Ba dum, ba dum dum dum!)  
  
THE FELLOWSHIP:  
  
We're the Nine of the Fellowship  
  
We think ourselves quite hip  
  
We make up rhymes when we've got time  
  
Then off we go to ship!  
  
We dine well here in Middle-Earth  
  
We eat lembas or Sam's cooking-hearth!  
  
SAM: That made no sense...  
  
FRODO: Hush, and hurry up and dance!  
  
THE FELLOWSHIP:  
  
We're the Nine of the Fellowship  
  
Kill Orcs and give `em the slip  
  
But many times we're given rhymes  
  
That are to sing quite bad-ip!  
  
We fight the mean Ringwraiths-a-lot  
  
But we never lose our faith-a-lot!  
  
We all are tough, not drippin'  
  
Swords, axes, bows a-trippin'  
  
Between our quests we shave our chests  
  
And impersonate dear Pippin!  
  
PIPPIN: What!??!  
  
FELLOWSHIP:  
  
It's a good life, we like it-a-lot  
  
SAM: (in uncharacteristically deep voice) I clean poor old Bill's bit-a-lot!  
  
ELROND: Nay, on second thought, let us not join the Fellowship. They are a silly bunch.  
  
ELVES: Right. Right.  
  
Here's version 2: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!  
  
ELROND: Look! The Fellowship!  
ELF #1: The Fellowship!  
  
ELF #2: The Fellowship!  
ELF #3: It's only their scale doubles.  
  
ELROND: Ssh! Elves, I bid you welcome to your new quest. Let us join...the Fellowship!  
  
(Ba dum, ba dum dum dum!)  
  
THE FELLOWSHIP:  
  
We're the Fellowship of the Ring  
  
We love to dance and sing  
  
We make up rhymes when we've got time  
  
And think that they're quite keen!  
  
We dine well here in Middle-Earth  
  
We eat lembas or Sam's cooking-hearth!  
  
SAM: That made no sense...  
  
FRODO: Hush, and hurry up and dance!  
  
THE FELLOWSHIP:  
  
We're the Fellowship of the Ring  
  
Kill many nasty things  
  
But many times we're given rhymes  
  
That none of us can sing!  
  
We fight the mean Ringwraiths-a-lot  
  
But we never lose our faith-a-lot!  
  
We all are tough and keen  
  
Defeat just ain't our thing!  
  
Between our quests we shave our chests  
  
And impersonate Don King!  
  
It's a good life, we like it-a-lot...  
  
SAM: (in uncharacteristically deep voice) I clean poor old Bill's bit-a-lot!  
  
ELROND: Nay, on second thought, let us not join the Fellowship. They are a silly bunch.  
  
ELVES: Right. Right.  
  
The End! Thank you all for reading, and PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	2. He's the Ringbearer and he's okay!

Monty Python Meets The Lord of the Rings! & Other LOTR-Themed Song Parodies  
  
by SIWeasleyGamgee  
  
Hey guys! Long title, I know. A HUGE THANK YOU and a golden ring (Don't worry, I'm not hiding one mixed with my own blood to take you guys over and use you for my own corrupt purposes....or am I?) to my reviewers!!!!!!! Glad to know I could put a laugh in your day! Hopefully you'll laugh at this too, because GUESS WHAT?!?!? I wrote another LOTR/MP parody!!!! This one's a parody of "The Lumberjack Song." Enjoy, and don't forget to review!  
  
THE RINGBEARER SONG  
  
Frodo stands proudly next to a tree with one arm around Sam who's gazing adoringly at him. The others of the Fellowship are a little way off, Pippin, Merry and Gimli on one knee in front of Gandalf, Boromir, and Aragorn, who are striking funky poses. They all wear cheesy smiles. Suddenly Frodo begins to sing.  
  
FRODO: I'm the Ringbearer and I'm okay  
I sleep all night and I run from wraiths!  
  
THE FELLOWSHIP: He's the Ringbearer and he's okay  
He sleeps all night and he runs from wraiths!  
  
FRODO: I bear the Ring, I eat lembas  
I go to the lava'try  
On Wednesdays I join a fellowship  
And invite Sam o'er for tea!  
  
THE FELL.: He bears the Ring, he eats lembas  
He goes to the lava'try  
On Wednesdays 'e joins a fellowship  
And invites Sam o'er for tea!  
He's the Ringbearer and he's okay  
He sleeps all night and he runs from wraiths!  
  
FRODO: I bear the Ring, I run and hide  
I hang with Leg-o-lass!  
I kill a couple baddies  
And hang around Orthanc!  
  
THE FELL.: He bears the Ring, he runs and hides  
He hangs with Leg-o-lass!  
He kill a couple baddies...  
(All look at each other, confused, and speak the last line.)  
And hangs around Orthanc?  
(They snap back to their cheesy-smile mode.)   
He's the Ringbearer and he's okay  
He sleeps all night and he runs from wraiths!  
  
FRODO: I bear the Ring, I wear Orc mail  
And a token of the Dark Lord's paw  
I wish I'd been an Orcie  
To please my lord Sauron!  
  
THE FELL.: He bears the Ring, he wears Orc mail...  
(Speaking, disbelief all over their faces)  
And a token...of the Dark Lord's paw?  
Wishes he'd been...an Orcie?  
  
(In disgust, all but Sam/Frodo walk off, crying "Traitor!" "Idiot!" "Worthless halfling!" and other such insults. Sam, tears in his eyes, gazes up at Frodo.)  
  
SAM: Oh, Frodo! And I thought you were so heroic! (He shoves Frodo's arm off his shoulders and runs off sobbing.)  
  
ALL: He's the Ringbearer and he's ooo-kaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!  
  
  
::::makes a sweeping bow::::::: Thank you, thank you! Hope you liked it, and even if you didn't, thank you anyway! Review! I have one more song (not a MP song, unfortunately) for you, so click on the next chapter button if you dare!!!  
Evil laughter is heard.  
Me: SAURON! STOP it!!! 


	3. Dark man!

Monty Python Meets The Lord of the Rings! & Other LOTR-Themed Song Parodies  
  
by SIWeasleyGamgee  
  
Here's something for LOTR/Beatles fans! I whipped up a little parody of "Taxman" from Sauron's point of view! Sauron's singing will be in plain text, while Orc back-ups will be in (parentheses). (Comments/exposition in italics and parentheses). Enjoy!  
  
DARK MAN  
  
(Sauron and some Orcs are standing around the Dark Tower. Sauron gazes toward Mt. Doom. The cries of the Nagzul are heard faintly. Suddenly with a poof a drum set appears, along with 2 guitars and a bass guitar. Microphones fall from the sky. Orcs run up and take their places at the instruments. Sauron strides over to the front and center microphone. With a "one-two-three-four" from the Orc on the drums, Sauron begins to sing.)  
  
Let me tell you how it will be  
  
Those with the Nine are slaves to me  
  
`Cause I'm the Dark man  
  
Yeaaah I'm the Dark maaaaaaan!  
  
Should one gold ring appear too small  
  
Be thankful I don't kill you all  
  
`Cause I'm the Dark man  
  
Yeaaaah I'm the Dark maaaaaaan!  
  
(If you defy me me) I'll blow up your street  
  
(If you make me mad mad) You'll feel my heat  
  
(If you enter Mordor) It is my seat  
  
(If you don't find the Ring Ring) I'll hack your feet!  
  
(Dark maaaaaaan!)  
  
(With a flash of light Saruman appears with guitar in hand and plays a rockin' solo. The watching Orcs step backwards slightly.)  
  
A warning to those who defy (aaaahhhhh, Mr. Sauron!)  
  
I'll stick hot needles in your eyes (aaaaah, Mr. Mean!)  
  
Cause I'm the Dark man  
  
Yeaaaah I'm the Dark maaaaaaan!  
  
And the ruler of Middle-Earth is me! (Dark maaaaaan!)  
  
(Their shock over, the audience of Dark creatures clap, cheer, and stamp their feet wildly. A chant of "Sauron! Sauron!" is started. The noise reaches fever pitch. Suddenly Sauron goes all freaky/evil-lord-y.)  
  
Sauron: STOP IT AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(With a flash of golden light several Orcs are killed. The rest shut up and everything returns to "normal". Saruman bows to his Lord.)  
  
Saruman: Excellent performance, my Lord!  
  
Saruman: YOU TOO!!!!!  
  
(Saruman grovels. End.)  
  
Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it! Review!!  
  
PS-Imagine the things that Sauron shouts as in huge type, underlined and bolded. ff.net won't let me upload it the way it was. 


	4. The One Ring, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Monty Python Meets Lord Of The Rings! and Other Song Parodies  
  
by SIHansonWeasleyGamgee  
  
Hey guys! Here's a LOTR-style parody of the song "She Loves You" by the Beatles that struck me upside the head yesterday as my internet was spazzing out. Three different LOTR characters' views on the Ring of Power (there would have been more people, but "She Loves You" is only three verses long!) Enjoy and review!  
  
THE ONE RING  
  
The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah  
  
The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah  
  
The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah yeaaaah!  
  
GOLLUM: We think we've lost our Ring  
  
Baggins took it yesterday-ee-yay  
  
It spoke riddles with me  
  
Then it slunk quickly away-ee-yay  
  
We've lost our One Ring!  
  
And we know that Baggins' baaad  
  
We've lost our One Ring  
  
And that made my Precious maaad!  
  
GANDALF: Before I didn't know  
  
Bilbo's Ring was on Sauron's mii-ii-iind  
  
But the old texts said so;  
  
The Ring's of evil kii-ii-ind!  
  
It is the One Ring! And I know that that is baaad!  
  
It's the One Ring! If Sauron gets it he'll be glaaaad, oooooh!  
  
ALL: The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah  
  
The One Ring yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
When the Ring is gone  
  
Then Middle-Earth'll be glaad!  
  
FRODO: I know it's up to me  
  
To destroy that which I bear  
  
It weighs so much, you see  
  
But with friends I will get there!  
  
It is the One Ring! Faithful Sam and I shall go  
  
It is the One Ring! To Mount Doom--how, we don't kno-ow! Oooooooh!  
  
ALL: The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah!  
  
The One Ring, yeah yeah yeah  
  
When the Ring is gone  
  
Then Middle-Earth'll be glaaad!  
  
When the Ring is gone  
  
Then Middle-Earth'll be glaaaad!  
  
When the Ring is gone  
  
Then Middle-Earth willlll...  
  
Be glaaaaaaadddddd!!!  
  
Yeah yeah yeah,  
  
Yeah yeah yeah yeaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Maybe it wasn't as good as some of my others, but hope it made you smile anyway! As always, review please! And also, if anyone has a song they'd like to see parodied to LOTR, send it to me or post it in your reviews! See you next time! 


	5. Bravely bold Sir Merry, rode forth with ...

Monty Python Meets The Lord of the Rings! & Other LOTR-Themed Song Parodies  
  
by SIHansonWeasleyGamgee  
  
Hello, dear readers! Today I have yet another parody for you from Monty Python and the Holy Grail--but THIS time, I'm parodying a whole scene for you! Easily my longest parody yet!! (Copyright notice: I don't own or claim to own either MP or any character mentioned in this parody. I got the script of this scene from a website. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!! :::::::begs::::::: :::::::snaps out of it::::::) Anyway, here for your enjoyment is: The Tale of Sir Merry!! (Thanks to my reviewer for giving me this idea!!) Enjoy!  
  
THE TALE OF SIR MERRY  
  
NARRATOR:(jumps into the story from some unknown place) The Tale of Sir Merry. So each of the Fellowship have gone their separate ways. Sir Merry rode to the aid of Minas Tirith, with Theoden and his company, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Merry  
  
Rode forth with Theoden.  
  
He was not afraid of Nagzul, O brave Sir Merry.  
  
He was not at all afraid to be turned into a wraith,  
  
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Merry!  
  
He was not in the least bit scared to be vaporized to a pulp,  
  
Or to have the Black Breath come, and by Orcs be taken.  
  
To have his clothing split, and his body searched all day  
  
For a Ring that might be hidden, brave Sir Merry!  
  
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,  
  
And tortured all day for the Ring's whereabouts  
  
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off,  
  
And his p--  
  
SIR MERRY: That's-that's, uh-that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.  
  
3 ORCS: Halt! Who art thou?  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] He is brave Sir Merry, brave Sir Merry, who--  
  
MERRY: Shut up! Um, n-n-n-nobody really, I'm j-j-j-ju-just um, just passing through with King Theoden here...  
  
3 ORCS: What do you want?  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] To fight, and--  
  
MERRY: Shut up! Um-nothing, nothing really. I, uh, j-j-just-just to um, just to p-pass through, oh Orcs.  
  
ALL ORCS: I'm afraid not!  
  
MERRY: Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I was a Member of the Fellowship, b-but now I'm-I'm Theoden's e-e-esquire.  
  
ALL ORCS: You were a Member of the Fellowship?  
  
MERRY: I was.  
  
ORC 1: In that case I shall have to kill you.  
  
ORC 2: Shall I?  
  
ORC 3: Oh, I don't think so.  
  
ORC 2: Well, what do I think?  
  
ORC 1: I think kill him.  
  
ORC 3: Oh, let's take him to the Eye.  
  
ORC 1: Oh shut up.  
  
MERRY: Perhaps I could--  
  
ORC 1: And you. Oh, quick! Get your swords out. I want to cut his head off!  
  
ORC 3: Oh, cut your own head off!  
  
ORC 2: Yes, do us all a favor!  
  
ORC 1: What?  
  
ORC 3: Yapping on all the time.  
  
ORC 2: You're lucky. You're not in his company.  
  
ORC 1: What do you mean?  
  
ORC 2: You snore!  
  
ORC 1: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath.  
  
ORC 3: Oh stop complaining and let's go have tea.  
  
ORC 1: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and lembas.  
  
ORC 2: Yes.  
  
ORC 3: Oh, not lembas.  
  
ORC 1: All right. All right, not lembas, but let's kill him anyway.  
  
ALL ORCS: Right!  
  
(They turn, but Merry along with Theoden's company and the minstrels have gone.)  
  
ORC 2: He buggered off.  
  
ORC 3: So he has. He's scampered.  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] Brave Sir Merry ran away.  
  
MERRY: No!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely ran away away.  
  
MERRY: I didn't!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] When Orcs reared their ugly heads, he bravely turned his tail and fled.  
  
MERRY: No!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Merry turned about  
  
MERRY: I didn't!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] And gallantly he chickened out, bravely taking to his feet--  
  
MERRY: I never did!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat.  
  
MERRY: All lies!  
  
MINSTREL: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Merry!  
  
MERRY: I never!  
  
(They ride off and follow Theoden's company.)  
  
There you have it--the single longest parody ever written by me!!! Hope you enjoyed it! (If you think this is VERY similar to the scene from MP&theHG, it's because it is--I didn't feel the need to change too much of the conversation between the 3-Headed Knight of the movie and the 3 Orcs of my parody.) Review!!! 


	6. Since I Climbed the Dimrill Stair

Monty Python Meets The Lord of the Rings! & Other LOTR-Themed Song Parodies  
  
by SIWeasleyGamgee  
  
Hey guys! First off, I'd like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH and give a huge hug to Monkey McCartney. Your kind reviews encouraged me to post these parodies I've had for a while. I know it's been forever since I've posted any parodies--hopefully I'll still get some readers and reviewers (hint :)!)! I have two for you today. Number one is yet another Beatles-themed parody--a LOTR spin on "Since I Saw Her Standing There."  
  
~@*WARNING*@~ --This parody contains a MAJOR spoiler for those who haven't read the books--DO NOT read any further if you don't want to spoil the suprise in the next movie!  
  
This song's from Sam's point of view after Shelob has "killed" his master. (You non-book-reader people who kept reading, don't say I didn't warn you!) Enjoy!  
  
SINCE I CLIMBED THE DIMRILL STAIR  
  
Well she was just the spider queen,  
  
Big, gross, fat and mean,  
  
And the way she killed  
  
Mr. Frodo, just made me stare  
  
Now I'll never dance with my master,  
  
Ooooooh! Since I climbed the Dimrill Stair.  
  
Well Gollum looked at me,  
  
And I, I could see,  
  
That before too long  
  
There'd be some treachery there,  
  
How can I dance with my master,  
  
Oooooh! Since I climbed the Dimrill Stair.  
  
Well my heart went doom  
  
When Shelob crossed that room  
  
And I saw her sting  
  
My masterrrrrrr...  
  
Oh, I cried through the night  
  
As I held dear Frodo tight  
  
And before too long  
  
The Ring was mine to bear,  
  
How can I dance with my master,  
  
Ooooh! Since I climbed the Dimrill Stair.  
  
(interlude)  
  
Well my heart went doom,  
  
When Shelob crossed that room  
  
And I saw her sting  
  
My masterrrrrrr...  
  
Oh, I cried through the night  
  
As I held dear Frodo tight  
  
And before too long  
  
The Ring was mine to bear,  
  
How can I dance with my master,  
  
Ooooh! Since I climbed the Dimrill Stair.  
  
Since I climbed the Dimrill Stair.  
  
Since I climbed the Dimmmmrill Staaaaair!  
  
  
  
Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Review please! 


	7. We'll get Precious from you this time!

Monty Python Meets The Lord of the Rings! & Other LOTR-Themed Song Parodies  
  
by SIWeasleyGamgee  
  
Wow, two parodies in one day!! This is a parody of the Hanson song "Thinking of You" and it's from Gollum's prospective, for a change! Any flames about my favorite band of all time will be used to toast bullet- proof marshmallows. Enjoy!  
  
GETTING PRECIOUS FROM YOU  
  
(Gollum, Sam and Frodo huddle under a rock in Mordor. Gollum has a green light in his eyes. All of a sudden he gets up and begins to sing:)  
  
Have you ever stood outside a hobbit fire  
  
Precious is there too  
  
But Master's pocket, it's inside, ohh-hooh.  
  
We can't sit here and wait  
  
Look at the Ring and anticipate  
  
What Precious could be, and what we could do  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We will get Precious from you this time  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We will get Precious from you this time, oh,  
  
And it will be mine, whoa-hoh, yeah  
  
The Ring is callin' very loud  
  
And we know what to do  
  
We'll follow to Mount Doom,  
  
Save Precious from Sauron too, ohh.  
  
Flyyy from the wrath of 2 hobbits,  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We'll get Precious from you!  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We will get Precious from you this time  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We'll get Precious from you!  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
No matter where stowed  
  
We'll get Precious from you.  
  
No matter what you do  
  
No matter where you go  
  
We'll get Precious from you, ohh!  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
No matter where stowed  
  
We'll get Precious from you.  
  
No matter what you do  
  
No matter where you go  
  
We'll get Precious from you!  
  
(Drum solo, comprising of an enraged Samwise attempting to beat Gollum on the head with his cooking pans, but missing most of the time in his rage. Gollum sings again:)  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We will get Precious from you this time  
  
Fly the wrath of 2 hobbits  
  
Soon this game, it will end  
  
No matter how sly,  
  
We will get Precious from you thissss tiiiime, oh  
  
And it will be mine, all the time, ohhh.  
  
And it will be mine  
  
We'll get Precious from you this tiiiime  
  
Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh.  
  
  
  
Hope you liked! Review please--and if anyone has a song they'd like to see parodied, add it to your reviews! 


End file.
